The same park bench was empty as I had found it after
Caitlin’s funeral. I had slipped out of
our church strolling around Lake Ella taking time for myself. Here, I planned out how to kill Earnest
McFadden and George Shelley before inviting Beau over to the house. Now, I come here on my lunch break to think
about her.
It was
the Friday before Father’s Day and the first one since I lost Caitlin. I had to be alone, I wanted to be alone. Hell, I needed to be alone. The beautiful summer day was in contrast of
my melancholy feelings. The sky was a
brilliant bright blue with a parade of fluffy white clouds moving to the east
providing a comfortable breeze in the humid air. The bench faced the lake and a massive sixty
foot fountain that sprayed water high into the air. It was calming and one of the reason’s I
find solace in this place.
I navigated
through thoughts of the past seven months that were anything short of
chaotic. Everyone knew, without valid
proof, that with the help of Beau Rivers I had executed George Shelley in his jail cell
underneath the courthouse. The
detectives did their job working the case, but as before, Beau and I managed to
avoid arrest. They came close and I
knew it was probably a matter of time before it actually happened.
In the
wake of the investigation and subsequent media circus, they tucked me away in
the property and evidence section. Housed
in the basement of the department, I stay hidden from the public eye with no valid
reason to go into the field. They more
or less created a spot just for me and gave me civilians to supervise, not
cops. I knew they couldn’t get rid of me
without probable cause, so it didn’t matter what hole they stuck me in just so
long those bastards remained dead.
Beau
was shipped off to the airport and given the late shift. Having been the target of the department’s
wrath before, it was nothing he couldn’t handle, but the boredom of the Tallahassee
Regional Airport was on a different level.
It was mind numbingly boring. Pritchard
made that happen hoping Beau would quit, off himself or submit out of boredom
and confess.
I hadn’t
seen Beau since that day at the cemetery.
I missed him, but knew it was best we kept away from each other. I’d seen Beau’s car sitting at the end of our
street watching, but never coming any closer.
On occasion I’d see Wendy staring out of the window in that direction; I
knew she missed him too.
Reginald
Pritchard was no longer the Captain of Internal Affairs. Even though he was unable to pin the murders
of McFadden and Shelly on Beau and I, he was now known as “Major Prick”. He was promoted soon after Christmas and followed Chief
Harrison step down in light of the public scrutiny. He cursed the day he promoted me and rued the
day he let Beau keep his job.
The new
guy, Chief Robert Shaw, had been promoted from within and was tasked with the
job of weathering the storm Beau and I created.
His first move was to move me to P&E and Beau to the airport. I knew Bobby since I started and he was a
good-hearted family man, tactful, smart and a true leader. I couldn’t blame him for putting us in exile,
it was a smart move. It’s what I would
have done.
On top
of the shit-storm we created, this town started to implode. The murder rate was rising and the drug trade
was getting out of control and spilling out of the hood. Hell, there have been more police shootings
in the last seven months than we had in the last seven years. The latest drama, still hot in the news, was a
huge conspiracy that was uncovered. It surrounded
a cop’s murder over a decade ago. It was
par for the course as the world was clearly going to hell. Either something needs to be done, or cops
are going to wind up dead.
My desperation
that led to such a destructive path led me to think about taking the easy exit
of suicide. I thought about it long and
hard after the drama unfolded at the courthouse. If I followed through with it, I would get to
see Caitlin again, but leave Wendy alone with no one. But I was given another reason to stick
around. A baby boy grew in Wendy's belly, a little boy that I would soon call son.
It was ironic that his life was conceived out of the ashes of another. That’s why I settled on the strong and
meaningful name of Phoenix.
However, my thoughts always came
back to Caitlin and the chaos that ensued after her untimely murder. I hated myself for crossing the line, but I
reminded myself of how she was taken. I
think about who she was and who she was going to be. She had such potential to make a difference
in this world. Thinking about how she
was taken from me always caused my blood to boil as strong as it did the day I
decided to get revenge. Images of
beating the defenseless body of Earnest McFadden brought me only temporary
satisfaction, but it felt right at the time.
Caitlin
was beautiful. She was smart, caring and
thoughtful. She was taken too early and
that always brought the helpless feeling back.
When I think about how she was going to be somebody special in this
world of shit, tears roll down my face.
I brought my favorite picture of Caitlin. Her mother had taken it. I had surprised her at school and her beaming
smile reflected the excitement of my surprise.
I could hear her say in her sweet little voice, “I love you daddy!” I was holding her in my arms as she squeezed
tightly around my neck. It was the
definition of love and I needed to be reminded of that before Father’s Day.
I
looked up as I wiped away the tears. The
birds chirped, the breeze rolled by, and walkers around the lake passed by
unconcerned for the murderer who sat on the bench.
“I love
you too, baby.” It’s not the same, but
kissing the picture gives me peace.
I took
a deep breath bringing in the warm summer air trying to compose myself as lunch
was nearly over. My cell phone buzzed in
my pocket. I hoped for a second it was
Beau, but the number on the caller ID was from the department.
“Hello?”
“Lt.
Akers?”
“Yes.”
“Hey,
this is Candace from the Chief’s office.”
“Hi,
Candace.” I’ve known Candace since she
was the patrol secretary walking subpoenas up to me as an investigator in
Homicide. The need for formalities was
evident she was intimidated by me. I was
no threat, but I also understood why.
“Chief Shaw
needs to see you right now.”
“Um,
sure. No problem. I’ll be there in just a minute.”
